Let’s be honest. Calling your partner daddy, is either one of those things you’re really into, or totally grossed out by. But perhaps you find yourself somewhere in the middle, either wanting to try it, or wanting to appease your asking partner.
So what’s the big deal with the big D word?
For those who are repelled by this kink, the term daddy can seem very literal, meaning they do not want to think of their father during sex. After all, why would anyone want to imagine their dad in their intimate relationships? (Cue Sigmund Freud). And for others, the term can even further trigger them into a feeling of distain, perhaps activating traumatic wounds involving their father.
And yet both of these scenarios become increasingly relevant as we view this fetish (or kink) with the understanding that role playing is a psychological game.
The fact is, role play can hold a number of different meanings for the people engaging.
Let us explore a few scenarios.
When your partner is playing “daddy,” then you are by default playing the role of the child. While some might take this very literal, for most this is actually a game of dominance and submission that allows a person to access their inner child through their psyche.
So what’s the story of your inner child and how does daddy come into the picture?
Perhaps for one woman, she simply longs to feel the qualities of fatherhood embodied in her man, to heal the experience she never received as a girl or even as a woman. Safety, provision, dependability, and so on.
While he might not necessarily hold the same sort of provision in her day to day life, for this moment, she associates these qualities with the attention and care given to her in the duration of their sexual play (and even further into their relationship).
Yes, kinks can live outside the bedroom!
In another scenario, a woman might associate much more volatile or authoritative styles of care with these fatherly sensations. In some cases it may be an extensive act of surrender, letting live the part of her that deeply yearns to feel completely free and thoughtless in the arms of her dominant partner.
In other cases, more volatile or authoritative styles of care could be associated with the father to purposely re-awaken traumas inflicted by her actual father. While this may seem confusing, for many people it’s one of the most enticing ways to rehash old scars, and experience pleasure rather than more harm, as well as a new neural circuit.
This means that trauma can lead to enjoyable sensation rather than more pain, whether that’s through sex, aftercare, or day to day love.
And lastly, a woman may simply call her partner daddy as a submissive tool, in order to evoke more dominant qualities. He may or may not be aware of this tactic, but without a doubt this “power” role often helps men to feel a sense of authority and agency in a world full of real life pressure.
Perhaps this becomes the place where he can exercise the power that he simply cannot at work under his bosses thumb. In turn, she gets to feel her man with a puffed chest and a mighty roar, taking this to whatever extent she likes.
What would you do to be ravished?!
I personally like to view this kink, as I do with any other role play, as archetypal work - where we consciously integrate the embodiment of an external charter into our own world, for healing of all kinds.
Perhaps you have some work to do with the inner child? Or perhaps with your father? Or perhaps you want to play with power dynamics and exercise your submission. Perhaps it means absolutely nothing to you, but it sounds hot!
If you’re curious, what’s stopping you? Maybe you wanna be the daddy.
Written by Megan Bloom
Written by Megan Bloom