Feminine and masculine polarity in sex: He initiates, she accepts. He penetrates, she receives. He dominates, she submits. He ravishes, she surrenders. At least, that’s one way it can look!
As polarity is so nuanced, it can be enlightening to look toward nature to observe how animals behave in order to fulfill their primal desires. After all, it is in the animal archetype where we gain access to our hunger for sex, and the insatiable, biological need for sexual connection, that serves a need far beyond procreation.
And while role play can certainly allow for play and expansion beyond our natural embodiment, it is the simplistic nature of polarity that serves as the foundational blueprint in sexual dynamics. This can be expressed as one person leading and one following, or one person penetrating and one person being penetrated (energetically or physically).
So how do we meet these animalistic needs in a world that separates us from the natural energetic forces of polarity?
It seems all too common to hear examples of couples struggling sexually. For example, the busy corporate working woman is unable to turn off her drive and soften into her partner at the end of the day. Or the under-stimulated man, void of challenge, is unable to find inspiration to lead his partner in bedroom. Or how about the mother who’s bitter and overworked, with seemingly no fire left within, struggling to sexually connect to her hard working man, under-nourished with a desire to escape rather than connect. Sound familiar?
These examples, while general, depict relationships not void of desire, but rather drowning in distractions that keep them in their head and out of the body. Bringing us to the very first step to getting your primal needs met in relationship.
Reconnecting to primal desires means finding your inner animal. When we default to the thinking brain and the consciousness that separates us from animals, we can lose connection to our organic impulses. Perhaps your mind convinces you not to want something because it’s wrong, embarrassing, an inconvenient time, or even undeserved. While logic can serve relationships, it tends to get in the way of sex. Let us not be in our heads, but instead fully claim the animal alive in us, as we bleed, birth, and evolve. We can do this through movement, dance, self-touch, exercise, and anything that puts us in touch with our senses.
- Find your pole
Do you naturally gravitate to the feminine pole or the masculine pole? Don’t let my examples of heteronormative relationships deter you from the true resonance of your body. In fact, don’t let any behaviors or gender roles dictate your natural embodiment. Do you more easily take charge or surrender? I invite you not to choose the pole you’re “better” at, but instead the pole that FEELS the best. Hopefully your partner feels the opposite!
Discover your range
How do you move within the guidance of your chosen pole? Notice I did not say limitations. Have you explored the edges of its darkness and lightness? Have you played with subtleties and grandiose gestures? The feminine pole may express herself as a submissive, surrendered, open flowery maiden. But she could also express as a slutty, bratty, kali ma goddess!
Perhaps the single most simple action that would get us closer to authentic polarized sex, is expression. Does your man know you want to be ravished? Desires, if left to the mind, can become scary to reveal, and yet they exist! On the contrary, when we free our desires, regardless of whether or not they manifest, we inherently become free OF them. How would it feel to claim the primal desire burning inside you?
Be free. Be raw. Be wild!
Written by Megan Bloom